For all new members, please check out the thread New to the Forum? What to do and forum guidelines.
Heart Breaking =(
  • I haven't been on here as much because I am preparing myself =( Our daughter finally has her own place with a yard and is down to just 2 jobs, so in 29 days our little grandpuppy will be going back to live with her. =( I can't even talk about it - I get so sad! He will be 10 hours away!! He is 22 months old now and has been with us for 16 of those 22 months, so he is my buddy! We have our little routines that I am going to miss so much!!! I love how, whenever I walk in the door, he flattens his ears and shakes his little Shiba butt because he is so happy! I will miss all his Shiba kisses and smiles and yes, even him hogging my side of the bed. =( I have never had a dog before (I am a cat person) but our little Fen has annoyed himself way down deep in my heart and I am going to miss him SOOOOO much!!! It really won't be the same around here without him.
  • Tell your daughter fin is staying. One of my neighbors did that to his daughters labradorite.
  • I understand that he is considered your daughter's dog because she bought him, but you have cared for him for the majority of his life while she couldn't. From your posts, it seems like you're the real owner of Fen; caring for him, asking questions, training him, etc. Would his quality of life be better in the hands of your daughter, especially with 2 jobs? Having a yard doesn't necessarily mean he'd be able to get what he needs. Is she going to leave him out there when she works? If I was your daughter, as hard of a decision as it would be, I would leave him with you because it seems he'd have a happier life and that you guys have bonded so much.

    I probably sound harsh, but I just don't like the idea of people who just bounce dog responsibilities back and forth like that when they weren't truly ready for a puppy.
    image
    Post edited by Nikkitine at 2015-03-01 00:19:06
  • Kira_KiraKira_Kira
    Posts: 2482
    I had to read back through some of your old posts to revive your back story in my memory. So I'm going to use some of those to reference my opinion. Please do not take them too personally, but I feel pretty strongly about it so they can come across as harsh. But this involves a LIFE and a bond that you have worked hard to establish so I think that ethically, Fen is YOUR DOG.

    1. You initially did not approve of her getting a dog because she did not have the appropriate living situation that Fen or any other animal, for that matter, needed. What makes you think that with 2 jobs, she is in a better situation now?

    2. If she was lucky enough to find anyone to "watch" Fen for the ridiculously long time that you did, she would either not get Fen back because he is now part of their family OR she would have been in major debt for the cost that SHOULD have been charged to watch any animal for that long.

    3. You are obviously attached to Fen, and it pains you to even think about losing him. I am 36 and my mother is around 60 - it would NOT BE AN OPTION for me to take away something that caused my mother so much joy and happiness. I love my mother to the moon and back, I can't imagine being so selfish by taking that away from you when your attachment and bond with Fen is obviously not as strong as hers.

    4. You are her mother, so I understand that you want to do what makes her happy. I don't know anything about your relationship and I've never been a mother. But I know that having a great mother myself, with that dedication comes and should come with tough love. You can't and shouldn't always give in to her and I definitely think that this situation which involves an amazing dog that has become content and established in a loving family constitutes you putting your foot down. And honestly, if your daughter loves you and wants for you to be happy, she should understand.

    Ultimately, it is your decision but it pains me to think that you are doing the best to maintain a good rapport with your daughter but the fact is that Fen is bonded to you and may not be happy in his new situation.
    Cynthia, Proudly owned by Kira
    imageimage
    Kira the Cream Shiba Inu 吉良 - Facebook Page
    Follow Kira on Instagram! Kira_the_cream_shiba_inu
    Kira's Life Story & Photo Thread - Chronicles of Kira

    “Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.”
    Post edited by Kira_Kira at 2015-03-01 00:16:40
  • Kobe1468Kobe1468
    Posts: 1587
    Sorry, but who ever saw this coming?!

    Fen is yours! Agree with Kira(great post!)
    "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened."
  • MoxyFruvousMoxyFruvous
    Posts: 384
    I have to agree.. he is yours (especially if you've been paying for his care this whole time) How about offering to buy your daughter another Shiba pup (or any other pup) when she is ready and for sure able to care for a dog?

    I think this situation would be a bit different if this were a much older pet that was very attached/bonded to your daughter. But since he was a puppy when you got him from her and you've had him for so long, I think he is probably more bonded to you at this point.

  • I once had a cat named coco, he was a gorgeous black quirky little fellow, but I had to go to college and left him with my parents... Even though I took care of him when I went back for holidays and breaks, and even though I'm now in a situation to house him, he has stayed with my parents, because they became attached and loved him so much. Was it hard...? Yes. Was it the right decision...? Yes.

    At the end of the day it's yours and your daughters decision. Hopefully everything works out!

    But it sounds like you might be becoming a little bit of a dog person... ;-)
  • SushiShibaSushiShiba
    Posts: 205
    I'm sorry you're going through this :( From a cat side, I had to "give" my two cats to my mom while I was in university because I had roommates that were abusive drunks (got out of there FAST... worst experience ever). But after a couple of months with my mom (she lives 2hrs away, so I wasn't able to see them often), it was clear to me that they liked her more (signs included hissing and clawing at me). My mom spoke about them all them time, cuddled them, and (according to her) taught them Chinese. Ultimately, my kitties turned into her kitties, and they're happier for it.

    I hope you and your daughter work this out amicably. But for what it's worth, I also agree that Fen should stay with you. You put in all the time, effort, money, and you obviously love him very much.
  • AntoinetteAntoinette
    Posts: 887
    Great posts @Kira_Kira and others.

    I agree with the others that Fen is your fur baby now and he should stay with you because living with you would be in his best interest. Please speak to your daughter about your strong bond with Fen and your deep love of Fen. He does not need to go through the emotional trauma of being taken away from you and you do not need to undergo that trauma either. When my son took Quake back after Quake was with me for two months; Quake suffered trauma as he did not want to eat or drink for three days. My son told me about it a long time later. Had I known about Quake's suffering at the time, I would have insisted that my son bring him back to live with me. Fen has been with you most of his life and loves you and is bonded with you. When my son left Quake with me 14 months ago, I made it very clear that Quake would be with me forever and my son did agree. By that point, my son realized that Quake was better off staying with me.

    I hope that everything works out for you. I will have you in my thoughts.
  • spacewolfspacewolf
    Posts: 20
    Immature person wants pet; immature person can't care for pet; immature person decides to get pet anyway. Pet ends up suffering for it and likely develops issues and gets posted on Kijiji / Craig's List.

    This happens ALL the time. Fen is just lucky enough to have had a good home to go to (yours).

    People with a desire for a pet that are unable to see their inability to properly care for one need an outside voice of reason. Whether it be a boyfriend or girlfriend or parent (even though they're an "adult").

    As mentioned above, offer to buy your daughter a Shiba pup when she is able to raise one properly. I know some people need more than 1 job to make ends meet but you need a dedicated partner (or at least roommate) to train, socialize and exercise a pup while working 2 jobs.

    Don't part with Fen, teach your daughter a valuable life lesson and move on from there. Everyone will be happier in the end.
    image
    Brody
    Post edited by spacewolf at 2015-03-01 17:26:46
  • renitiadbrenitiadb
    Posts: 245
    Oh my goodness - I wasn't expecting these kinds of responses. I was really just sharing how sad I was with people who can relate to how amazing Shibas are. LOL Thank you everyone for your concern. I should probably clarify a few things:

    1) Fen has not been with us for the last 16 months straight - he had a chunk of a few months where he went with my daughter back to her apartment and he didn't pine for me or go through any withdrawal. Of course he is more strongly bonded now, but when Jade came home at Thanksgiving, Fen went right to her and stayed with her at night. He is actually a more well behaved dog around her. She taught him all his tricks and he listens to her very well. He listens to me too, but I am Grandma, so I spoil the little furball. =) Fen loves her and is bonded to her as well.

    2) Jade's 2 jobs don't take her out of the house that much. One is research work that she can do either at home, or with Fen and the other is part-time.

    3) Fen was only supposed to be with us a few months. Jade was going to move into a less-than-ideal living arrangement just so that she could have her dog back and we told her no, that she should wait until she found the right place.

    4) I do not hold it against Jade at all that she wants her dog back. I knew she would take him back right from the start. This is really all Fen's fault: if he weren't so gosh darned ADORABLE I wouldn't have gotten attached. =) Darn Shibas and their smart, cute, curly-tailed puppy mannerisms!

    Fen is Jade's dog. I would never take him from her. That being said, we have had LOTS of discussions about HIS well being. If Fen goes back with Jade and is not doing well, he will come back here right away. Jade already has a schedule worked out so he won't ever be alone for any length of time, but again, if Fen isn't doing well or if the reality of having him back doesn't work out, he will come back here and we will take him happily (even if the neighbor's chickens aren't too happy about that!!) =) Jade and I have a WONDERFUL relationship! She was the Maid of Honor when I was married last summer. She is wonderful with Fen too and he adores her! We have very different relationships with him: he and I are more like affectionate equals, where he almost reveres her like a deity! LOL She cares a great deal for him, so she won't hesitate to bring him back here if it will make him happier. =)

    Thank you again, for all your support and kind words! Yes, I think I have been converted to liking dogs. (Though not all dogs: Grandma has a Pug and OMG what an obnoxious little thing he is!!)
  • SushiShibaSushiShiba
    Posts: 205
    Well I'm glad you and your daughter have a great understanding, and ultimately, Fen is VERY loved :) I'm sure that he'll miss you just as much as you'll miss him!
  • renitiadbrenitiadb
    Posts: 245
    Positive update:

    Jade got some time off and is coming to stay with us for 2 weeks before she takes Fen home so he will be able to have a smoother transition =) He will stay with her so he can get used to the new routine =)
  • renitiadbrenitiadb
    Posts: 245
    Well today is the day. Fen will be leaving in a few hours. I'm a mess. I cleaned all his stuff out of our house and cried the whole time. Yesterday was my 40th birthday, and when we came home I came in the house to get him and realized that that was the last time I would come home to his little wagging tail and airplane ears and excited Shiba-ness and I just sobbed. All I have to say is my daughter had better take really good care of my little grand-puppy!!
  • renitiadbrenitiadb
    Posts: 245
    Well he's gone and I am a big red faced runny nose mess =(
  • Here is what I think:

    What would Fen want? Fen didn't sound like a greedy little turd so he'd probably want you to share what you can provide. To that end there is a dog somewhere in a shelter who could use a good home and you'd def provide one. Fen would want you to once the paw sized hole in your heart is filled to consider getting him a lil uncle.
  • renitiadbrenitiadb
    Posts: 245
    Everyone keeps saying that. =) We actually just rescued a 9 year-old cat that was being taken to a shelter (and wouldn't have lasted 72 hours) so I do have some company, and we already have a 19 year-old tortoise shell kitty named Sasha that I love to pieces (except when she won't stay off the table!). Fen just kind of Shiba'd his way into my heart - I am really not a dog person, so this was completely unexpected. My husband mentioned looking into rescuing a dog once I am feeling up to it. Not sure how I feel about that, since it's FEN I am missing, but we'll see =)

    Paw sized hole . . . awwwwwwww =)
  • NikkitineNikkitine
    Posts: 776
    If Fen can Shiba his way into your heart, another Shiba can too ;)
    image
  • RooneyRooney
    Posts: 142
    Ditto on the rescue idea. If you add some of the Shiba rescues on Facebook, then they are frequently posting Shibas that need homes or if you're not ready to commit, you could do fostering. It would give you the option to adopt the foster if you don't want to lose another Shiba or if you decide that you aren't ready to fully replace Fen, then you could be part of the process for finding the foster shiba a loving forever home. :)
    Allison, Rooney's Mom
  • Omg just went back and read this - bawling now. :(
  • @renitiadb-I am so sorry you are hurting. I am sending lots of hugs from Quakey and me.
  • Thank you =) Had a bad Fen night last night. I was remembering all the adorable things he did: the way he would jump up on the big bed when I was sewing and give me that adorable Shiba Smile, and how he would "airplane ear" and "helicopter butt" whenever we came home! I miss him. =(

Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

In this Discussion

Who's Online (0)